If I sum up my reflection from these two days into one word, it would be ‘Manthan.’ Manthan is a word in Hindi that has a few different meanings. Two of those most pertinent to my reflection are: 1. A churn, and 2—a reflection through study. How I feel at the end of these two days (and probably over a slightly more extended period of introspection) is easily reflected in these two senses. This process of introspection and learning, which I have come to value greatly, has been the cornerstone of my personal and professional growth.
CTA CPC program is challenging; a lot of what I have learned through the course of my career as a management consultant. As a consultant, you are encouraged to be a ‘counselor’ to your clients. Building solid relationships with them over specific periods and projects would be best. You hear what they say in the context of the organizational problem. You are ‘listening’ to them, their life stories, professional aspirations, worries, concerns, expectations, and joys – but all with a clear agenda in place within a context that has likely already been defined by you or someone else. I am told I am great at these conversations.
Over a career of 12+ years, I have learned many of the skills of listening, asking open-ended questions, and acknowledging and mirroring what is being said. I have the many frameworks to help me navigate these conversations and situations. And I have the right communication skills necessary to drive these. Given all this, coaching was just a natural next step. I had the foundation in place, and all I needed now was that one little badge saying, ‘You’re certified.’ How difficult could it be? Oh, the naivety!
To me, a consultant and a habitual problem solver who gets paid to do just that, this is a new world! This new territory requires a lot of unlearning and re-learning concepts that have been deeply embedded in my life and work for over a decade. That is proving to be a challenge – I am challenging my assumptions, knowledge, and understanding of coaching as a concept, and I am reflecting on how I approach many of these conversations, not as a consultant but as a coach. I am enjoying this discomfort, one that comes from not knowing and one from an entirely new set of experiences. I am enjoying learning a wholly new philosophy of engaging with people. It is widening the lens through which I approach many professional relationships.
Now, on to manthan, the churn. The churn on the inside.
I have often been a listener in my personal life. As the older of two children, I listened a lot out of obedience. Over time, that obedience turned into quiet acceptance, and I became a quiet, rebellious, well-behaved child. Now, as an adult, I find myself still listening, being there for my family and friends, and often trying to help solve their problems.
The CTA CPC program has presented a challenge for me. I used to be good at solving other people’s problems, but now I struggle to express myself. I need help opening up to new people or speaking in front of a group. This program is pushing me out of my comfort zone of just listening and into a new role where I have to talk about my experiences and solve my problems. The first task of sharing a childhood and teenage story was unexpectedly challenging. I could not articulate a story I had never talked about before. It was all true, but expressing it surprised and unsettled me. I wasn’t used to talking about myself and didn’t want to.
The realization that I need to de-lay myself before I can effectively coach another soul is uncomfortable yet necessary. It is one I need so I can stop using the excuse of ‘I’m a great listener, so tell me your story’ to escape speaking of my own. I must be able to silence myself on the inside to listen genuinely. It is scary but somewhat liberating, particularly as we have begun the coaching exercises. I am slowly and steadily becoming more comfortable. It helps that the session and the facilitator quickly create that space for vulnerability and an environment of trust among strangers. It is helping me slowly and steadily pull down parts of the wall I have unknowingly built around myself. Therefore, the churn.
According to Hindu mythology, ‘Amrit’—the divine nectar—arises from a manthan. I am, therefore, hopeful. This Manthan of mine marks the beginning of a journey to help reveal what lies underneath the various layers of emotions, relationships, and expectations I embody.
As I continue this program, I am eager to experience knowledge that allows me to go deeper into understanding an individual versus at a surface level when driven by an agenda. I am willing to apply this to myself as I break down the many elements that define me and open myself to having these conversations with a coach. I am eager to learn if this can become a profession I can be passionate about and find true meaning in. I am willing to make a difference in the lives of others, bringing my authentic self to coach others in their life and professional journeys.
