And I was feeling it on all levels. I was truly exhausted—mentally, physically, and socially. Emotionally and psychically. Even though I was buoyed by the idea of all I’m learning. Even though the conceptual framework for the stages of the learning curve from unconscious incompetence to unconscious competence had given me a handle to somehow understand part of the source of my overwhelm. And even as I marveled at the stark difference in viewing things from a blame frame vis-à-vis from an outcome frame and more fully appreciated the liberation that the outcome frame had provided when I tried it on Saturday.
I realized that it was likely a combination of long-migraine drain coupled with still needing to synthesize all the learning – I am now also aware that I had overlooked the need to shield myself from all the energy bouncing around as we were doing our practice coaching on Saturday and perhaps most significantly, the need to shield myself from the energy that I was picking up from an intense post-class conversation with two of the cohorts, one of whom spoke of life details that I only today, I realized had triggered me somehow (and woken me and kept me up for over an hour in the middle of the night yesterday).
Recalling our conversation, I heard her articulate what she felt she needed coaching on. I relived what it was like to work with her as she moved from the seeming certainty of what she wanted to be coached on through the ambiguity that began to emerge as she spoke of it and of the nuances of the issue. The surprise I felt as she came suddenly to tears struck me again, underscoring the near sacredness of that exchange space. I remember what it was like to observe her coming into the spaces within herself, as she finally allowed herself to move from logic to feeling, as she gave into that vulnerability. It was a humbling experience to be let into that space with her. I felt immense responsibility in holding that space to feel and give voice to what she thought she could not be in her work situation.
There were a few thoughts that intruded every now and then in my mind – and while at first, they felt extraneous, I realized quickly that the ideas of chunking up and chunking down that were flitting through my consciousness were what gave me an anchor. They reminded me that while I was there to allow room for her journey, I also had a role of my own – I knew I could not allow myself to be so entranced that I’d forget the necessity of moving her toward accountability and action. This is a crucial part of our role as coaches.
The encouragement of it was not just because it validated my choice but also because it reassured me that when I find myself doubting whether I can be of help to a coachee, I shall recall all the elements of today and trust that in that space, the expert and I will be able to partner our way to agree upon his/her being accountable for and taking action on the most positive intentions of his / her psyche. I will do my utmost to keep it real for myself and whomever I partner with.
Further delving into Transactional Analysis and the Johari Window, the models of the Reflective Cycle, Logical Levels of Change, and the Drama Triangle all bring together points of crucial awareness of communication roles, processes, and ego states that feed into our own ways of being and interpreting the world, others, and experiences. This knowledge is an essential food for thought and reflection on ourselves as coaches as much as they are handles for partnering with our clients as they open up to us. It feels like there has been a banquet of discovery to feast upon, reinforcing the value of our knowledge.
